Monday, January 31, 2005


I am a little star struck right now. I Massaged Tia Texada (Sgt Cruiz from Third Watch) about a month ago and she actually sent this to me. It is a little hard to read so let me tell you "Melissa -- Thanks for an amazing massage. All the best to you! Tia Texada" Posted by Hello

So What Do You Do?

So, what do you do when you find something out about someone that just keeps eating away at you. You have already said you would go somewhere with them (the Cher Concert) but now you feel like backing out. I think about all the things I found out about this person and I know (after thinking about it all day) that I really don't want to put myself in that kind of situation. If I am looking for something, I am not going to find it with her.

I called her to cancel, but only got her voicemail. So, I did the cowardly thing and cancelled over voicemail. i told her to call me back if she wanted to, but I was really sorry, and didn't want to do it on her voicemail. [edit--wow I said that like 3 times.. srry :-) ]

Anyway, I am expecting a phone call this evening trying to talk me out of it, but once it is done, it is done. I am not going to hang out with someone that I feel uncomfortable with. Damn.. and Today was her birthday too.UGH.. and she was telling all her friends about how great I was. I told her.. She doesn't know me, and I dont' know her. I just need to keep my guitar in its case unless playing for a friend or someone that I REALLY like. I know I didn't have to play my guitar to impress this one, but I guess i just wanted to rub it in, THEN I find out about her past... hmmmmm didn't like that too much. Yeah.. I just don't want to deal with all that.

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Ooogle Google

I was just checking my stat counter and WHOA! I saw that someone googled me. Hmmm. They got to my site through the google search engine, and they were right here in louisiana! Kind of crazy, but I LOVE IT!

I just recently signed up on Livejournal.com and on Myspace.com so if you click on those you will come up with my blogs on there. I seem to be getting a lot of traffic from them...

So.. can I tell you that I am sooooo glad my computer is back up? Hehehe

Friday, January 28, 2005

Friends

So, my computer is up and running again thanks to that cool little computer chickie I met recently. Props to ya there!!! Well.. it is up and running silently anyway. I seem to be having a problem with my sound card going from ME to XP. It is showing that it is there, but no sound is coming out. When I play a song on Windows Media Player it even shows the little bars going up and down to the beat, but no music. There really should be no reason for them to not work. I am not going to try and uninstall my driver and then reinstall it only to have it go crazy on me again... well.. maybe if I just do the driver it will work, instead of doing the full install... I don't know... ugh.. i really ... ReALLY want to try it, but man if I have to redo my OS again then I have to go through a 3rd time of doing all my updates and loading SP 2 for XP... awe the hell with it.. it is going to kill me until i try this simple little thing.. Ok.. I will let you all know if it turns out ok.. bye!

[hopefully not for too long]

Philosophical Drunk Hmmmm

Ok... So I saw this on a friend's blog on Livejournal. I thought I would try it out. I love the litte quizes they have on there. Well, I turned out to be just like her...LOL

Philosophical Drunk
What Kind of Drunk Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Computer Shit

Well.. Couldn't think of a catchy title so there ya go. Hehe. Yes, my computer has decided to go on vacation for a little while. Apparently it didn't like the fact that I upgraded to XP and then tried to reinstall my sound drivers because after doing so and it freezing up and me having to do a system restore from a previous time, it only gives me a blck screen with the mouse pointer. Hmmmm. can move the pointer, but can't even do Ctrl+Alt+Del to restart it. So.......... I am frustrated.

My ex decided to throw herself at me practically the other night. Apparently she thinks that by kissing me it will make it all better and I will want to take her back a SECOND time. Nope... I held out. Even tho the only thing I had been wanting from her is some attention and affection and she was seemingly trying to give that to me (of course way too late for that). I am usually a week person. I tend to give in to someone trying to seduce me, Life is too short right? Well I knew that this person was the wrong person to allow that to. I knew it would have meant more for her than for me, and so... I did not kiss her. I had to walk away and leave her standing there because I was simply to the point that I wanted to explode!

Enough about that. I will blog more when I am not in class. I have a 9:10 computer Java Programming class (which I am in the classroom right now) so I have to take off!

ttfn

Monday, January 24, 2005

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Defeated

[ Current Mood | Defeated ]

So what do you do when you get out of a relationship? One that you were not happy in. One that made you feel held back? One that made you feel defeated. One that made you feel the need to blog sensless two weeks later. one that made you feel defeated. Yes again, defeated. Do you think do see do you even believe in me? No. I am defeated.

Did you ever feel love like you don't have a soul
Like there's nothing there just a big empty hole
And your only purpose in life has been defeated?
Well doesn't it feel as if you've been cheated

Well I guess you want you can hide in the dark
you can lie to yourself till you just fall apart
and you can run from your feelings until you forget
but that hasn't happened yet

I'm shaking like i haven't eaten for days
I'm not growing up, I'm not in a phase
And I'm not gonna athink about how wrong this seems
Well could this only be ... a dream?

The more I know it the more that i think
if I block it out the more my mood will just sink
why is it so bad and what can I do
I feel so destroyed I don't have a clue

Even though it's been a while
I still wave and you still smile
but you don't know what i go though
cuz you always get to be with you

Did you ever feel love like you don't have a soul,
Like there's nothing there just a big empty hole?
And your only purpose in life has been defeated?
Well doesn't it feel as if you've been cheated?

Well I guess you want you can hide in the dark,
you can lie to yourself till you just fall apart,
and you can run from your feelings until you forget.
But that hasn't happened yet.


Thank you Kristy Lee!

Lonely

The Blower's Daughter

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind... my mind...
'Til I find somebody new


What a profound movie This was. Closer Was an amazingly raw, adulterous, vulgar, sexual movie without any actual sex scenes to see. It leaves so much to the imagination that the dialogue alone tempts you to wonder if any of this could ever be real. It is SO real. The reality of losing someone to another person, the reality of cheating, the reality of sex, the disgust of sex in its raunchiest forms. Dark dark dark. The tension of this movie seems to loom over you while feeling everything the characters feel even when you may have never had a sense of their troubles.

Meeting someone new, it is the one thing that can make you forget who you are even for a split second. Being closer is what I long for. My closeness is a need to be intimate, not having sex per say, just being well... close. I want kissing, teasing, holding, caressing, heavy breathing, bodies intertwined in fits of movement. I want to roll around in bed with someone that just knocks me dead. I become flushed just thinking about it. Sex to me is an after effect.

I met someone recently. Some adorable female. A person whose chemistry matched mine, or so I thought. A couple of stolen kisses does not guarantee a future happening. It seems that this unfortunate encounter has only made me long for more. Not necessarily from her, but in general. I have been wanting and needing a closeness with someone that I guess has yet been undefined for me. I want to feel needed, I want to be able to need and be given to. I want to give in. I want to let go. I want to be free to do what I please in someone’s arms, between their legs, inside of them. I want to know what passion feels like again. I want.. I want... I want.. more. I want to find myself in a place where dreams do come true, and minds roam freely in surreal journeys that have no end. I want to make sense of it all because I know this is not making any sense.

I want to feel again. I don’t want to be with one person. I want to experience all that I can on this earth before succumbing to its infinities. what do I do? do I know? No. I do not. I do not know what the future holds for anyone. I just know that what my future needs. it needs a place to grow, a place to be appreciated, a place to feel loved, a place to be fucked, a place to be twisted, a place to roam, a place to feel secure, a place to be rich, a place to know what the rest will be.

It doesn't matter who it is right now. I don't care who would be in my arms as long as I have someone there. I need someone, some freshness, some sweetness, some passion. I need more of last night. I need more stolen kisses and goodbye lingering. I want more flirting, I want more hands touching mine, feeling each finger and caressing my palm with theirs. I want more dancing, I need more ..more.. more, closeness. More bodies entwined into mine, I want to feel more breath on my neck. More running of my fingers through long hair, gripping and releasing with each kiss. mmmmm I want someone to throw me against a wall and have their way with me, and yet request that in return. I want to enjoy myself.

I want to not be lonely.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005


Great close up of the ball python's eye and nose. You can sort of see that her skin is hazy or dull. Getting closer to shed now! Posted by Hello

Original photo before crop of Selene Posted by Hello

Her eye is just so blue here. Just about to go into shed Posted by Hello

Selene's Eye Cap Posted by Hello

Ball Python Shedding & Other Happenings

Well, Selene is about to shed. Her eyes have turned that milky blue everyone talks about before they shed. Once the eyecaps are not blue anymore, they will usually shed within the next 24 hours.

Her belly is still pink, but it doesn't look half as raw as it did. I switched her to Silvadene burn cream instead of the furacin. I am hoping it will work better. There is a guy named DrewTime on the Ball-Pythons.net forums that has been using this cream on his little girl with the same type burns. She is almost healed now!! So happy for him on that one! I like optimism.

What can I say. I started my spring semester at LSUS today. That was great. I only had one class and that was my computer class. We are going to be learning Java! Cool. I don't know exactly what that means but I am eager to learn. I think I will be asking a lot more questions later when I get more comfortable in the class.

Went to see the move Closer yesterday with my friend Connie. I loved it. OMG it is so dark and raw. It delves deep into the sexual psyche. Just to see Natalie Portman do the splits and pull her panties to the side (well that was blocked by the bloke's head) was a thrill in itself.

Lynn stopped by tonight to give me a birthday present that she ordered and was on backorder. It is this amazing tapestry of Middle Earth from a website with some awesome stuff. Go to What On Earth and check it out. GREAT stuff.

I think I will post some photos of Selene and her Eye Caps here. Oh.. by the way.. the new little guy I got ate the first time I tried to feed him. IT WAS AWESOME!!! What a champ. I think he will be just fine. Laters!

Friday, January 14, 2005


My Ball Python Selene's Enclosure. You can see her a little bit there going from one hide to the other! Now I have the lamp right on top of the wire screen to keep the temps high enough. Posted by Hello

Genetics of a Morph

In trying to explain the genetics of my new little baby boy I will just post this here from a convo i had with a friend

MelTrue7yeah he isbeautiful too.. it is tough.. i can't handle hime for like a week since i just got him yesterday...


KatieN42what's the probability that they will produce an albino?


MelTrue7yeah the guy is very reputable, but is going ahead and buying an albino to breed


MelTrue7the actual terms for him is that he is Heterozygous (Het) for albino. He looks normal, and when bred to a female that is also Het. for albino then the odds are this .... 25%will be albino...50% will be Het. for albino (normal looking)... and 25% will just be normal (no chance to produce an albino at all from this set)


MelTrue7So if you have 4 eggs your chances are 1 will be albino 2 will be Hets. and 1 will be normal. The confusing and hard part comes when you realize that the Hets. and the Normal.. all look the same.. so in those 3 snakes 2 will be het.. but you dont' know which one until you breed them to find out.. So they are called 66% Possible Hets.


MelTrue7LOL ya following me.


MelTrue7if you ever had to learn the Punit square thingy (sp?) in biology or anything.. that is where all this comes from


MelTrue7If I bred him to an albino female (no chance of affording one of thos tho...) I would get 50% Albinos and 50% Het for albinos. NO NORMALS.. so all the normal looking ones you already know will have the genes to produce an albino. When this happens they aren't possible hets.. they are 100% Hets for Albino.


MelTrue7Bet you never thought you would be getting a schooling on the genetics of producing morphs in ball pythons...LOL


KatieN42you're absolutely right


MelTrue7sorry to more you with all of that...LOL


KatieN42but i remember it all from bio.


MelTrue7sweet!



So there you have the genetics info on why my new little baby boy is so special. I will be posting photos on here soon, Well in about a week or so after he settles into his new home. I was going to take some of Selene, but she just had to move to my house and into a new enclosure. I will post a photo of her enclosure with her in it, but I need to give her a settling in period of a week as well.

Unfortunately with her I still have to handle her to give her antibiotics twice a day and put the ointment on her belly, but other than that.. no major handling. She needs to relax!!! and get better! The vet said she looked 100 times better, and that she really didnt' think she was going to make it. Well it is still a little touch and go since she hasn't eaten, but she looks like she is going to be shedding soon, so they usually fast before they shed. I need to wait till after that to try and feed her. Hopefully her appetite will come back. I dont' know about you, but I wouldn't want to be constricting my hurt body around something in her state either!

~~True~~

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Title To Come Later

And the world does go on. I am newly single. Yes.. I that is what I said, I am no longer in a relationship with "Lynn". I ended it on sunday. It was a big miscommunication with her jumping to conclusions as usual, and lashing out at me because she was hurt.. but didn't tell me all that. UGH! Regardless of the circumstances, it was only a matter of time. I think that it just took this last argument for me to see that I couln't go back. We just didn't click, well not for me anyway.

Don't get me wrong. i love her... I do.. I just don't love her they way she needs me to... or the way I need me to. I am not going back again. It is different this time. This time I am not hurting too.. I am just mad/disappointed, ya know?

Ok... so i thought i could get a huge blog out of the way here, but i just had chicken lasagna and it is hitting my no sleep/hardly eating ass right now. So I will leave the rest til later!

Ta ta!

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Birthday Bitterness

Hmmm I suppose I should post on here since it is my birthday and all.. well actually yesterday was, but I changed the date. So... went out to Superior for some marvelous margaritas.. 3 to be exact... I still had one on the table when we (Lynn and I) left. Brooke had gotten it for me. I kind of wish that I had gone out later. Everyone that I like showed up after 7. Anyway... I got pretty toasted and I know that Lynn wasn't having a good time, she didn't feel good. So I took it upon myself to decide to go. UGH.. She didn't get me a card. She got me some perfume earlier and since I saw the box and knew it was my perfume she gave it to me early (Like a week early). I know she has something else on order for me, but I am kind of sad that I didn't get a card on my birthday... AND she didn't even offer to pay for anything at Superior.. I took care of it all. So.. Yeah.. I have a little birthday bitterness.

Maybe I ask for too much. I don't know. Maybe I am asking for the wrong things. Maybe I am asking the wrong person. I am still having doubts about how happy I am in this relationship. Sometimes I just want to run... like now. I am in a co-dependent relationship. She needs me and I can't seem to stop myself from being there for her. But I don't' seem to be getting it back in return. She just doesn't have time for it. She works way too damn much! UGH UGH UGH!. Ok.. so I have to go now. I am going on about this too much.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005


Selene, my ball python, after one week of treatment. Posted by Hello

Selene, my ball python, after one week of treatment. Posted by Hello

Selene, my ball python, after one week of treatment. Posted by Hello

Selene, my ball python, after one week of treatment. This is not moist blood. It has scabbed over. Posted by Hello

Selene, my ball python, after one week of treatment. Posted by Hello

Selene, my ball python, after one week of treatment. Posted by Hello

Sunday, January 02, 2005


Trying to post a simple thumbnail of my ball python here. We will see if it works Posted by Hello

Mind Is Blank

I have attempted 3 separate posts and I ended up erasing the first two. Hopefully this one will stay. I can't seem to make up my mind on what I want to say. I think it is because I have things I have to do today.

1st I have to eat some lunch
2nd I have to get my dogs ready to leave
3rd I have to get myself ready to leave
4th I have to leave... LOL
5th I have to go to Lynn's to give my snake its meds and check on it
6th I have to hmmm... Don't know what I should do after that.. but I know there is something!

So, as you can see.... My mind is on other things right now. I will write more at another time!

~True~

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