Sunday, March 27, 2005

Horoscopes

Sunday, March 27, 2005
Capricorn
Melissa,
Your current dilemma may be apparent but solving it is not necessarily easy. You know what you need in love and you know what you can give. Why is it so hard to get your needs met? Remember, Capricorn, there is a big difference between the idea of love and the reality of it. It may be easier to just enjoy your friends for a few days. Treat yourself the way you wish a lover would.


"...there is a big difference between the idea of love and the reality of it." Lets just say that I guess I do have difficulties with that sometimes. Right now I feel overwhelmed with the intensity. I have forgotten my favorite quote by W.H. Auden:

"Passion, even in it's wildest tantrums, can neither pursuade me it is love, nor make me wish it weren't"

So, why did I say the thing I said the other night? Because I felt it. It was practically pulled out of me, but that doesn't mean that I didn't mean it. I feel I said it a little prematurely. I guess I feel like I didn't want to say it just yet. I didn't. But I did say it, and I do not regret it.

This morning was rough. Actually last night I had a freaking blast! But before bed it seemed to get all messed up. I woke up in a pretty bad mood. I even had thought I should throw my walls back up, like.. what the hell am I doing. I guess I was having some doubts. I was pretty pissed. However, it all freaking melted away when she rolled over and held me. Her touch took all the negativity away. I melted under her hands. I knew that I was just being moody and that I shouldn't dwell on it all. I have let it go.

Now I am just wishing she were near to me right now. I want her here in my arms. I want to hold her body close to me and weave myself into her. I forget all my worries in that place. I feel so comfortable. I feel like I can't get close enough to her; like I can't get enough of her. I know I can't. I want more. I want to experience so many things with her. Even if that means experiencing eachother at our low points.

So, getting back to my horoscope, the reality of love, I feel, is the actions of it. I believe that you can say that you love someone all day long, but if you never show it then it is never real. I was in a 9 month relationship with someone that would tell me she loved me all the time, but never met my needs. Her actions never matched her words. Now I am with someone that meets my needs (and more) and that makes the words not necessary.

For now I am just taking it all in (good and bad) and loving every minute of it. I want more, I can never get enough. Give me more!

Melis

Tuesday, March 22, 2005


Ok.. This... Is... well.. umm.. yeah Dwayne was giving the camera his model look!..LOL Posted by Hello

awe she loves my doggie.. can i tell you how great that is??? It is AWESOME!! They get along so good! Posted by Hello

Ahhh all the firends.. Leslie, Dwayne , Jennifer, And me Posted by Hello

D... runk Posted by Hello

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Today and Everyday

Went over to my friend Dwayne's apartment last night. It had been a while since he and i had hung out. I missed him. He is my boy... the only guy i feel close to. He gets to hear all my intimate secrets. (well not all but a good amount)

We watched the whole first season of "Coupling." It is a british comedy.. pretty much all about sex and friends...LOL> IT is hillarious! Naughty Naughty!

We stayed up talking afterwards. Well.. It was pretty much just me talking. I had to fill him in on a few things since i hadn't really gotten the chance to talk to him in a loooong time. When we are at work together and there are no clients to take care of, we can just talk for hours... It is crazy. I love it.. I have a brother, but Dwayne is like a brother to me that I can REALLY talk to, AND who is interested in hearing about my life. He gets excited for me when I am excited about something! He says he gets to live vicariously through me. Well, he should never get bored with that then.. heheh.

So, last night was all about filling him in on J. He had heard a little about her, but there was so much more I had to tell him. He is so excited for me. He can see how happy I am right now and he loves it. He is a little envious as well. It is so cute.. he says, "Damn Melissa, Where do you find these women? You need to find me someone! You're so lucky, it seems like you found the perfect one."

I say, "Yeah. Perfect, but for one small glitch, she is moving 3 hours away at the end of summer." That is all I have to say about that. I have been in long distance relationships before. I know how they can work and how they can fail. I know that I would not have a problem with being faithful while in a relationship like that, but I have been burned very badly like that.

Then I think about how the other long distance relationships started out. I never had a chance to be with the person on a day to day basis. It was always about spending time with eachother one weekend here and a week there. They always seemed to be a fantasy world that we never had to be serious in or get really deep, or argue or see eachother on a daily basis to know how the other person REALLY was. I have never had a relationship that started off solid, real and local (so-to-speak) and then turned into long distance. I am scared. I really am. I prolly shouldn't be worrying about this right now. I guess I am not worried about it. I am just dreading it because the one thing I don't want... is to lose what I have with her right now. I could honestly see myself maintaining a long distance relationship with her. I know that she is only moving away because she HAS to to finish out school, but what happens after that? What happens in the semester or two that she is finally finished? Where will she go? Would she move back up here? She said something about her mom hooking her up with a job in the hospital or something, so she was already thinking about moving back up here.

I don't know. All I know is that I have about 4 more years to go before I can go anywhere. I have to finish out my degree and THEN i have all the freedom in the world to move where I want to. Believe me... I would move in a heartbeat if it meant 2 things, ..1 If I were to be closer to my mom, ..2 If I were to make shit loads of money in computer forensics! LOL!

None of that really matters tho if I didnt' have someone to share it with. I want to share my life with someone that wants to share theirs with me as well. I really want to share my life with J. That is how I feel right now. I guess since it is raining outside that I am getting all sentimental and shit. I don't even know how she feels about all of this. We have pretty much not discussed it, other than to say that neither one of us would do a long distance relationship again. Well, I am now realizing that, if it is good enough, I would do anything to keep this going.

I think I will end this now. I dont' want to get into trouble for getting too deep. (into trouble with myself) So... I will end this little (actually long..LOL) blog with some sexy sexy lyric by Melissa Ferrick!

Drive

if you want this
if you want this
if you want this you’re going to have to ask
nicely please
yeah if you want this
you’re going to have to ask me
you’re going to have to ask me

whatever you want
i’ll give it to you
i’ll give it to you slowly
‘till you’re just begging me to hold you
ya whatever you want
whatever you want
but you’re going to have to ask me

your mouth waters
stretched out on my bed
your fingers are trembling
and your heart is heavy and red
and your head is bent back
and your back is arched
my hand is under there
holding you up

i’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
i’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘till you feel the daylight
i’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
i’ll hold you up
and drive you ‘till you feel the daylight
that’s right
that’s right

in the kitchen
in the shower
and in the back seat of my car
i’ll hold you up
in your office
preferably during business hours
‘cause you know how I like it when there’s people around
and I know how you like it
yeah I know how you like it
I know how you like it when I tease you for hours

your mouth waters
stretched out on my bed
your fingers are trembling
and your heart is heavy and red
and your head is bent back
and your back is arched
and my hand is under there
holding you up

i’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
i’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘till you feel the daylight
i’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
i’ll hold you up
and drive you ‘till you feel the daylight
oh and this has just begun

yeah this has just begun
because we haven’t even gotten started yet
I haven’t even
I haven’t even tied you up
I haven’t even turned you over
this is where I want to live
right here between your hips
where all the love you hold and hide
it’s where it lives
right here between your hips
this is where I want to live
it’s where all the love you give exists

your mouth waters
stretched out on my bed
your fingers are trembling
and your heart is heavy and red
your head is bent back
your back is arched
my hand is under there
holding you up

i’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
i’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘till you feel the daylight
i’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
i’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘’till you feel the daylight
that’s right
yeah
that’s right
that’s right
that’s right
i’ll hold you up
that’s right
that’s right
i’ll drive you all night

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Incubus

This has to be shared!

MySpace.com

For those of you who read my blog on here I am mainly posting on my mySpace account. I am going to give you a link to the last two blogs on there, but if you want to just read all my myspace blogs go to the link to the right of this page.

Bitter Sweet

Not Distant

Enjoy!!

Melis

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Inspiration

Missing you is like missing an afternoon full of wonderful breezes and warm sunbeams

Missing you is like missing that fuzzy feeling you get when remembering something wonderful and exciting

Missing you is like missing the fresh smell of clean clothes just out of the drier

Missing you is like missing the feel of fresh soft sheets on your bed

Missing you is like missing puppydog kisses with their puppydog breath

Missing you is like missing a cozy snuggle on a comfy couch in front of a good movie

Missing you is like missing when you hear a song on the radio that brings you back to good memories

Missing you is like missing your favorite soft stuffed animal from when you were a child

Missing you is like missing that first taste of an amazing desert

Missing you is like missing spooning with someone who just seems to fit

Missing you is like missing sitting in a grassy field on a blanket with a basket full of beer and great food

Missing you is like missing a good friend's advice

Missing you is like missing..... YOU!

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Wild and Crazy Neighbors!

The other night i went over to my new neighbor's place. The just happened to move in to the building next to mine in my apartment complex. This was the first party they had over there. Dana and Althea Rock. I put some photos up on this blog, but here is the link to my webshots to check out more of the nights festivities (click here). Also... Little miss althea had her camera out as well and even got a few shots of ME... LOL so check out Scandalthea's LiveJournal for more photos!

Laters Taters! ;-)

Melis

HA... drunk asses... But a great shot!!! Posted by Hello

Melissa and Rachel... aweeeeee Posted by Hello

I said to katie and brooke... "Smile REALLY hard!" hahah Posted by Hello

Brooke getting an O'Dooles! Good stuff, also.. notice a nice democratic sticker on that fridge? Posted by Hello

This isn't my first rodeo she said...LOL Rachel trying to take photos with her phone...  Posted by Hello

Althea posing in her oh so scandalthea way Posted by Hello

The infamous Scandlathea! Posted by Hello

Melissa and Rachel Posted by Hello

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