Sunday, March 27, 2005


Sunday, March 27, 2005
Your current dilemma may be apparent but solving it is not necessarily easy. You know what you need in love and you know what you can give. Why is it so hard to get your needs met? Remember, Capricorn, there is a big difference between the idea of love and the reality of it. It may be easier to just enjoy your friends for a few days. Treat yourself the way you wish a lover would.

"...there is a big difference between the idea of love and the reality of it." Lets just say that I guess I do have difficulties with that sometimes. Right now I feel overwhelmed with the intensity. I have forgotten my favorite quote by W.H. Auden:

"Passion, even in it's wildest tantrums, can neither pursuade me it is love, nor make me wish it weren't"

So, why did I say the thing I said the other night? Because I felt it. It was practically pulled out of me, but that doesn't mean that I didn't mean it. I feel I said it a little prematurely. I guess I feel like I didn't want to say it just yet. I didn't. But I did say it, and I do not regret it.

This morning was rough. Actually last night I had a freaking blast! But before bed it seemed to get all messed up. I woke up in a pretty bad mood. I even had thought I should throw my walls back up, like.. what the hell am I doing. I guess I was having some doubts. I was pretty pissed. However, it all freaking melted away when she rolled over and held me. Her touch took all the negativity away. I melted under her hands. I knew that I was just being moody and that I shouldn't dwell on it all. I have let it go.

Now I am just wishing she were near to me right now. I want her here in my arms. I want to hold her body close to me and weave myself into her. I forget all my worries in that place. I feel so comfortable. I feel like I can't get close enough to her; like I can't get enough of her. I know I can't. I want more. I want to experience so many things with her. Even if that means experiencing eachother at our low points.

So, getting back to my horoscope, the reality of love, I feel, is the actions of it. I believe that you can say that you love someone all day long, but if you never show it then it is never real. I was in a 9 month relationship with someone that would tell me she loved me all the time, but never met my needs. Her actions never matched her words. Now I am with someone that meets my needs (and more) and that makes the words not necessary.

For now I am just taking it all in (good and bad) and loving every minute of it. I want more, I can never get enough. Give me more!


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