Sunday, March 20, 2005

Today and Everyday

Went over to my friend Dwayne's apartment last night. It had been a while since he and i had hung out. I missed him. He is my boy... the only guy i feel close to. He gets to hear all my intimate secrets. (well not all but a good amount)

We watched the whole first season of "Coupling." It is a british comedy.. pretty much all about sex and friends...LOL> IT is hillarious! Naughty Naughty!

We stayed up talking afterwards. Well.. It was pretty much just me talking. I had to fill him in on a few things since i hadn't really gotten the chance to talk to him in a loooong time. When we are at work together and there are no clients to take care of, we can just talk for hours... It is crazy. I love it.. I have a brother, but Dwayne is like a brother to me that I can REALLY talk to, AND who is interested in hearing about my life. He gets excited for me when I am excited about something! He says he gets to live vicariously through me. Well, he should never get bored with that then.. heheh.

So, last night was all about filling him in on J. He had heard a little about her, but there was so much more I had to tell him. He is so excited for me. He can see how happy I am right now and he loves it. He is a little envious as well. It is so cute.. he says, "Damn Melissa, Where do you find these women? You need to find me someone! You're so lucky, it seems like you found the perfect one."

I say, "Yeah. Perfect, but for one small glitch, she is moving 3 hours away at the end of summer." That is all I have to say about that. I have been in long distance relationships before. I know how they can work and how they can fail. I know that I would not have a problem with being faithful while in a relationship like that, but I have been burned very badly like that.

Then I think about how the other long distance relationships started out. I never had a chance to be with the person on a day to day basis. It was always about spending time with eachother one weekend here and a week there. They always seemed to be a fantasy world that we never had to be serious in or get really deep, or argue or see eachother on a daily basis to know how the other person REALLY was. I have never had a relationship that started off solid, real and local (so-to-speak) and then turned into long distance. I am scared. I really am. I prolly shouldn't be worrying about this right now. I guess I am not worried about it. I am just dreading it because the one thing I don't want... is to lose what I have with her right now. I could honestly see myself maintaining a long distance relationship with her. I know that she is only moving away because she HAS to to finish out school, but what happens after that? What happens in the semester or two that she is finally finished? Where will she go? Would she move back up here? She said something about her mom hooking her up with a job in the hospital or something, so she was already thinking about moving back up here.

I don't know. All I know is that I have about 4 more years to go before I can go anywhere. I have to finish out my degree and THEN i have all the freedom in the world to move where I want to. Believe me... I would move in a heartbeat if it meant 2 things, ..1 If I were to be closer to my mom, ..2 If I were to make shit loads of money in computer forensics! LOL!

None of that really matters tho if I didnt' have someone to share it with. I want to share my life with someone that wants to share theirs with me as well. I really want to share my life with J. That is how I feel right now. I guess since it is raining outside that I am getting all sentimental and shit. I don't even know how she feels about all of this. We have pretty much not discussed it, other than to say that neither one of us would do a long distance relationship again. Well, I am now realizing that, if it is good enough, I would do anything to keep this going.

I think I will end this now. I dont' want to get into trouble for getting too deep. (into trouble with myself) So... I will end this little (actually long..LOL) blog with some sexy sexy lyric by Melissa Ferrick!

Drive

if you want this
if you want this
if you want this you’re going to have to ask
nicely please
yeah if you want this
you’re going to have to ask me
you’re going to have to ask me

whatever you want
i’ll give it to you
i’ll give it to you slowly
‘till you’re just begging me to hold you
ya whatever you want
whatever you want
but you’re going to have to ask me

your mouth waters
stretched out on my bed
your fingers are trembling
and your heart is heavy and red
and your head is bent back
and your back is arched
my hand is under there
holding you up

i’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
i’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘till you feel the daylight
i’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
i’ll hold you up
and drive you ‘till you feel the daylight
that’s right
that’s right

in the kitchen
in the shower
and in the back seat of my car
i’ll hold you up
in your office
preferably during business hours
‘cause you know how I like it when there’s people around
and I know how you like it
yeah I know how you like it
I know how you like it when I tease you for hours

your mouth waters
stretched out on my bed
your fingers are trembling
and your heart is heavy and red
and your head is bent back
and your back is arched
and my hand is under there
holding you up

i’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
i’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘till you feel the daylight
i’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
i’ll hold you up
and drive you ‘till you feel the daylight
oh and this has just begun

yeah this has just begun
because we haven’t even gotten started yet
I haven’t even
I haven’t even tied you up
I haven’t even turned you over
this is where I want to live
right here between your hips
where all the love you hold and hide
it’s where it lives
right here between your hips
this is where I want to live
it’s where all the love you give exists

your mouth waters
stretched out on my bed
your fingers are trembling
and your heart is heavy and red
your head is bent back
your back is arched
my hand is under there
holding you up

i’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
i’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘till you feel the daylight
i’ll hold you up
and drive you all night
i’ll hold you up
and drive you baby ‘’till you feel the daylight
that’s right
yeah
that’s right
that’s right
that’s right
i’ll hold you up
that’s right
that’s right
i’ll drive you all night

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