Friday, July 15, 2011

Aliens Leave a Hot Mess in Shreveport, LA

Antares Cluster in the Scorpius Constellation
     Rampant aliens in their never ending quests to PROBE humans for scientific study, decided Wednesday to study a section of Shreveport, Louisiana in a state of heightened panic after sending a drone disguised as a child's mylar balloon to sabotage a main relay station and kill power to over 5000 homes in the South Shreveport area.
     The aliens saw this opportunity to "Hit them in the sweltering hot darkness of their own homes and neighborhoods" as stated by the head commander of the Wylkdforg Race from the Antares Cluster through a local Louisiana interpreter who requested anonymity.
     It is unknown exactly what information they were trying to gather from the city, but officials are thinking that mass sweat samples might have been one option. Locals reported a strange wind as they stepped outside their homes as they reached out to their neighbors to try and gather information on their dark residential streets.
     What will be next this summer as temperatures regularly rise above the 100 deg mark?
     In the meantime, all mylar balloons have been recalled and an official investigation of their manufacturers is underway.

Saturday, July 09, 2011

Homophobia and my Experience in the USAF

Reading the news today tweeted by SHE MAG from the Army Times website I felt a need to talk about an experience I had back when I was serving in the US Air Force:
"The Pentagon has ordered a halt to all separations of gay troops under “don’t ask, don’t tell” and will begin accepting applications from prospective recruits who identify themselves as homosexuals." 

I was at my second duty station here at Barksdale AFB. I had to take some class after I got here that was mandatory for our training. I can't remember the exact name of it but it was something along the lines of being able to deal with differences in the people around you in the work place.

The class was held around 1995. It was just a bit after Don't Ask, Don't Tell was implemented and I am sure that it was a disguise to deal with how the airmen felt about the recent new law. Lets just say I really was not looking forward to this class because I know how outspoken I can be and seriously knew I had to keep my mouth shut. However, there was one woman there that made me just want to shake her.

I remember distinctly that the instructor asked a question: "How would you feel if you knew the person you had to work with on a daily basis was a lesbian?"

This woman raised her hand straight up and said: "I would feel very uncomfortable. I wouldn't want to work with someone that is going to be thinking what she thinks in her head. I don't want some lesbian to have those thoughts and be undressing me with her mind."

I just wanted to laugh, but I kept a straight face as the instructor asked for any responses to that and I raised my hand. I knew I had to be very non personal here and careful but I was compelled to address this ignorance.

"You say that, but doesn't it make you feel uncomfortable if a man was to do that as well?"

She replied, "No, I expect that of a man but I don't want a woman to do it. That is just ... yuck!"

"So, you have it in your head that every man in here would be thinking sexual thoughts about you and you are ok with that?" I probed.

"Well, if it is a man, that is okay."

"So some drooling, pimple ridden, poor hygiene, 400lb man can stand next to you and have those thoughts about you and you would be okay with it?" I watched for reaction.

"Well, that is just gross!" She said making a face at the thought of it.

"And, what makes you think that every man would be attracted to you enough to undress you with his eyes?" I said looking around for men's reactions. They were smiling by now since this girl was certainly no looker.

"Well, I am just saying that I wouldn't feel uncomfortable if they did." she said quickly.

"Only a hot guy though." I quipped just as she finished and continued, "So, do you think about the men you work with in that manner?"

Everyone else, including the professor was sitting back and taking this volley in, waiting for the next reaction. Some were giggling and others were shaking their heads in agreement, but it was definitely a mixed crowd between my logic and her ignorance.

"Well, no! I do not look at men like that! I work with them. My mind doesn't have time to think about sexual things when I am at work!" She said, clearly offended that I would assume such things.

"So why would you think, as a woman, that another woman that works with you automatically has thoughts like that about you? Or, that she would even be attracted to you just because you are a woman and she is a lesbian?" I had to stop here and wait so I didn't call her an ugly cow.

She was stammering for something to say as she looked a tad put off, "All I am saying is that I wouldn't want to work with a woman who is a lesbian because I wouldn't want her to think dirty thoughts about me." she finished and folded her arms even tighter around her body in her defensiveness.

"And all I am saying is that don't presume that just because she is a lesbian that she would be attracted to every woman she sees." I said, sitting back in my chair hearing the chuckles around me.

"How would YOU know then?" she retorted.

This is where I had to stop, kind of. I had to think of my next words wisely and I certainly didn't want to seem as if I were a lesbian myself,

"As I said before, how would you know if a man was staring you in your face and thinking sexual thoughts about you?" I said putting the ball back in her court.

The instructor, who had been enjoying the volley, stepped in, most likely because we weren't getting anywhere and could see me about to hit a logic circle. He didn't know what to say about the exchange other than something about how that was a great discussion, and that it is good to get all that out, or something lame and neutral as that.

Nothing came of that class. I think we did a few group activities and I tried to blend in from there on out. I still wanted to shake that woman for her ignorance, but I felt good in shining a light on it like I did. What I really wanted to say was, "Just because I am a Lesbian, doesn't mean that I would remotely be attracted to your ignorant mind and ugly soul." Because that is how women think. Lesbians don't think like men just like women don't think like men. Sure there are some women that are very butch but they are still women. There are some women who identify as men, as transgendered, and so they would think like men because they actually are men. 

But, however you slice it, ignorance is a dark hollow cave that only echo's your own voice when you yell into it. Sure you can bring a torch to shed some light and try to show others the way out of the darkness, but some will always be too afraid to face it, opting instead for the darkness they have always known and feel comfortable in. If they don't know about it, it won't be there.

Sunday, July 03, 2011

My Scottish Indoctrination



This is why I love my wife and also Scotland. Nothin better than them trying to make me gag and surprising them.

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